You've got my life in the palm of your hands

I'm spending alot of money at the moment.
And I think I'm in denial of how much.
And it's not because there's thing that I want but because I'm forcing myself to be happy.
Buying and owning new things have always made me happy but it's now gotten to the point where I see something moderately nice and before I know it, I'm waiting in a queue eyeing up other thing they strategically put by the tills.
I'm sitting up to gone midnight on varies between websites, justing pilling things in to my "Buy it Now" basket... Just to take my mind of how truely unhappy I am.
I miss my boyfriend, every single minute of the day and I can only wonder why I moved back home, away from him?
I know it's childish but life is so unfair. I hate my job and where I am in my life and everything I seem to do is to make someone else happy.
I just don't know what I'm doing... I need something to happen to tell me what to do because I'm so damn scared of making a mistake.

Anyone else feel like this? Because I have never felt more alone.

Pulling my finger out.

I really hate that phrase but it's about to happen... I am officially pulling my finger out.

I have now hit the point in my life where I've got to take into account what I WANT to do with my life.

I want to write, to be given the chance and the freedom to be trusted to write about any given subject and now that they (the employer/chance giver) will be happy with it.

Seeing as blogging is free - this is my chance to really give life a bloody good go.

So, without further ado...

Hi, my name's Laura Turner. I'm 20 years old and I'm currently *suffering* a long distance relationship. I miss him like hell every day and I know he's the one.

I will write about anything, from beauty and fashion to dieting and slothing.

I really hope you enjoy my posts because from here on out, I am devoting to making my life as happy as possible.

Laura xo

FFS

I havent posted since... November 2011 :

I check Blogger every single day and i do feel bad for my 17 followers that I havent posted in over a year so i thought i'd get the ball rolling again :)

I got a laptop from my boy for my 20th Birthday so I can literally write down some of my thoughts whenever I feel to!

I did do a post on 25 things to do before I die but blogger didn't actually post it :(

If you've read any of my posts you'll know i'm from Kent and my boyf lived in Northampton and about a year ago, I moved to Northampton to live with him..

Unfortunetly for the both of us, things have been hard for me being away from my family and I've decided to give up my job at the local newspaper and go home to my mum.

You probably think its really sad but being away from them has made me appriacte them so much that it's so hard to leave them when I go and revist for the weekend.

Me and the boy will stay together, I love him with all my heart and maybe, just maybe he'll come and live with me and my family in Kent.

I'm pretty shite when it comes to technology so please don't expect me to have an amazing layout or anything.. this is just a place where I can vent.

I hop you all had a lovely Christmas and got spoilt rotten, i did!

I went back to work today after the best Christmas ever and there was only me and 1 other person in the office today.. it was sooooo dull! can't wait for Saturday to have a lie in :D

Enjoy your evenings dolls

xo

It finally happened.

So, I've moved.
From living in Kent with my family to living Northampton with my boyfriend and his family.
We'd been together a year and 2 months when the big moved actually happened and of course, i had doubts.
Can you really be yourself around other peoples family? Even if that family is of the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with?
I guess I'll always have those little doubts but I wouldn't have done this if i wasn't sure this was for the best
It's been a month since I moved and admittedly, I have had some emotional homesick nights where I just cry at missing my family and familiarity.
But other than that, it's been wonderful. Having been together over a year and only seeing each other at weekends, seeing eachother everyday is... heavenly.
The past month that I've been here I haven't had a job, but Monday I had an interview for a local newspaper as an Advertisement Telesales Person and damnnnnnnittt I GOT THE JOB :D:D
Things have been a little strained between me and the bf since i've been moping round the house all day waiting for him to come home, but now I'll be working it'll be almost perfect.

Our room was fully decorated before i moved in however the curtains are yet to go up :/ He says it'll happene tonight but who knows.
I just feel... old you know. Like being away from my parents, only being able to see them at weekends now and relying on basically myself; when before I could always count on my parents.


And for anyone who reads this blog, I really am sorry for not really blogging here. Something it's better to just think. But I will be posting alot more often about the goings on in my new life in Northampton.

Sigh..

I miss you.
Like so desperately, you're only going to be gone for 13 days but still you're over 400 hundred miles away and it's too much.
I want it to be october now, for us to spend every day together. But more importantly every night together.
For you to be the last thing i see at night and the first thing i see in the morning. I just cannot wait.
I love you, more than life it's self.
We'll be together again soon my love, and for that day i can wait.

total headfuck.

i'm so mad right now that i can't even be bothered to change the font size, colour or whatthefuckever.
seriously, the only way i think i'll feel okay is if i vent on here and i have writers block.
great.
but whoever reads this should take a listen to 23 by Jimmy Eat World.

i know there's something going on.. i'm not stupid, womens intuition.
but i feel like such a mug, butterflies and stuff.
is this it?
is this the final lap of the race?
i hardly feel like myself.
i gave my heart away and now.. now i'm not myself. i'm someone elses and i feel like i'm gonna be sick.

Okay, okay..

So, it's been like literal forever since i last wrote but fellow followers you surely can understand that sometimes.. sometimes a girl can hardly think about her life, but to blog about it?! Surely not. At the moment, it's a pure and simple "fuck my life". My boyfriend and the love of my life is a weekend only affair, because we're 100 miles apart (neither of our decisions) and even though most nights i have nothing to talk about i just love being just that little bit closer to him if it only is on the phone, I have £1.20 in my account; if that. I have no job, I don't go to school, college or uni and i hardly ever get to see my friends because that always requires money.

Now, if that doesn't want to make you wanna kill yourself.. Then i bloody well don't know what will.
Oh, and my younger sister stole the laces out of my Converse to use as a make shift belt and threw them in the bin.
:

I need nude/barely there coloured things in my life to put a smile on my face.